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An Issue With the Japanese Translation of "A Pale View of Hills" 「遠い山並みの光」の翻訳について(再掲)

5年前に書いたものです。少しだけ手直ししました。(英語の後に日本語が続きます。)
I've found some issue with the Japanese translation of "A Pale View of Hills" by Kazuo Ishiguro... 


I read "A Pale View of Hills" by Kazuo Ishiguro a few years ago. The book was my second Ishiguro's book after "Never Let Me Go." I enjoyed the book, in particular, a surprising tone change at the end of the story. The change is subtle, but I found it amazing that only a few words could completely change the view of the story. The passage was as follows:
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'"You're not to speak like that," I said, angrily. We stared at each other for a moment..........
"In any case," I went on, "if you don't like it over there, we can always come back...."'
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When seeing the term "angrily," I felt a slight but sudden tone change because Etsuko, the narrator and protagonist, who I thought was not an emotional or unstable women, got angry so easily at remarks made by a child like Mariko, the daughter of a friend of hers, Sachiko.

But what surprised me most was the "we can always come back" part. Until that part, I had thought that the book was about the lives of two women, i.e., Etsuko and Sachiko, who were under similar tough circumstances, but separate individuals. But when I reached the "we," such understanding crumbled because the subject was not "you" but "we." The tone is no longer "aloof," but "engaged." At that point in time, I realized that these women might be the same person or represent the two sides of one woman, i.e., Etsuko.

It also gave me some kind of answer to the question I had been asking myself while reading this book why Etsuko seemed so sad or had a sense of guilt, why Etsuko's eldest daughter Keiko had killed herself or what Etsuko was trying to achieve by telling what had happened so long time ago far away in Japan. Is that because Etsuko is finally ready to face up to the past or she is trying to do so, but only indirectly through her (imaginary?) friend Sachiko or is she just trying to justify what she did or did not do to poor Keiko?

I wanted to share these questions with someone, but could not find anyone in Amazon reviews, so I bought a Japanese translation and compared the above English passage and its Japanese translation. And I found that the passage in Japanese could be read as follows:

'"If you don't like it over there, you can always come back."'

The reason for this misinterpretation is clear. The Japanese translation has no subject, i.e., neither we nor you. This is natural because the Japanese language tends not to include the subject to avoid its repeated use because that's unnatural for Japanese. In other words, in general, as far as the subject is clear, no reference is made to it. Actually, in this Japanese passage, as the subject of the first half of the sentence is obvious (i.e., you =  Mariko), no subject is stated in it and because there is no subject in the second half of the sentence, it's natural for the reader to assume that the subject of the second half of the sentence is the same as that for the first half, i.e., "you." (I.e., This Japanese sentence includes no subject at all.)

So, if someone reads this book only in Japanese, it's impossible to see this complete change of the subject or perspective from "you" to "we" and a change of tone from "aloof" to "engaged."

If you have read "A Pale View of Hills both in English and Japanese," please let me know what you think. I would appreciate it if someone could enlighten me.

If you want to read comments on this post, please read this (only in Japanese).

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数年前、カズオ・イシグロの「遠い山並みの光」を読みました。その前に「私を離さないで」を読んでいたので、「遠い山並みの光」はカズオ・イシグロの本で二冊目です。

とても面白く、特に終わりに近い部分には、全体の印象を大きく転換させた個所があってとても感動しました。ところが、その感動を共有しようとアマゾンレビューを見ても、同様の感想がありません。そこで日本語訳も読んでみました。問題の箇所は日本語訳だと以下の部分です。

「『そんなことを言うものじゃないわ』私は怒った声を出した。中略 『とにかく、行ってみて嫌だったら、帰ってくればいいでしょ』」

最初にあれっと思ったのは、「怒った」のところです。というのも、悦子(この物語の主人公で語り手)は、万里子(悦子の友人の佐知子の娘)のような子供の言葉にいちいち腹を立てるような感情的、不安定な女性としては描かれていなかったからです。ただ、この部分は、英語と日本語にそれほどの差はありません。

英語で読んだ時に「全体の印象を変える」ほどの感動を覚えた個所は、その次の部分です。

「とにかく、行ってみて嫌だったら、帰ってくればいいでしょ」

何気なく読んでしまいますが、これに語を補足すると以下のようになるかと思います。

「とにかく、あなたが(you)行ってみて嫌だったら、あなたは(you)帰ってくればいいでしょ」(下線は当ブログの筆者)

しかし、英語原文は以下の通りです、それを日本語にするとこうなります。

原文:"if you don't like it over there, we can always come back...."
原文の日本語訳:「とにかく、あなたが(you)行ってみて嫌だったら、私達は(we)帰ってくればいいでしょ」

英語で読んだときに驚いたのは、ここまで淡々とした人物として描かれてきた悦子が、ここにきて急に、「怒った」声を出し、「他人事(you)」ではなく、「自分達の事(we)」として語り始めたからです(視点の転換)。この部分を読むまでは、悦子と佐知子は、似たような境遇にはあるが、別々の人間だと思っていたのに、「we」のところでその理解が崩れ、二人が同一人物、あるいは一人の人間の二つの側面ではないかと思い始め、悦子と佐知子の二人の人物像の境界がおぼろになり始めたわけです。

この転換は、英語原文では、主語が「you(つまり他人事)」から「we(自分達の事)」に変わることで実現されていますが、日本語訳ではそれは分からないのではないでしょうか。

訳としては「とにかく、あなたが行ってみて嫌だったら、帰ってきましょう」ぐらいがいいのではと思いました。

「遠い山並みの光」を英語と日本語の両方で読んだ方がいらっしゃいましたら、是非ご意見をお聞かせください。

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